In close relations we involuntarily "model" each other, like great Michelangelo, which cut from a marble piece all superfluous to find the ideal form. If the partner sees in me that ideal person whom I aspire to be (and many thinkers saw the main essence of love in it), and the behaviour supports my aspiration I really start to come nearer to the ideal. Naturally, my satisfaction a life and relations with the partner increases. And on the contrary: if sights of the partner at what I should be, do not coincide with mine and its actions do not promote my movement to wished satisfaction a life and mutual relations falls.
Keep the individuality
Let's do the small test. With what you see your relations today? Try to represent itself and the partner in the form of two crossed circles. Whether the crossing area is great? With other drawing would illustrate the answer to a question «What relations you wanted?». In the second case the majority of women is drawn by circles, almost (and sometimes and completely) imposed against each other: much do not have not enough care and attention.sfaction a life and mutual relations falls.
Partners always are surprised, having seen "reference" drawing of the psychologist – two circles crossed only on a quarter: the scheme of long relations looks so. Having lived some time together, enamoured can find out that they "were so arranged" the friend under the friend that have strongly changed личностно. Desire to adapt to the favourite person to make to it pleasant, to please quite often results the man or the woman in loss of own individuality. Often so-called «crisis of the third year of relations» is an attempt to return to itself, the habits and values, dialogue with the friends. Many have a desire to change work or to start to study. Sometimes it meets partner misunderstanding, causes cooling of feelings. Also it is one more occasion to quiet, detailed conversation: after all you once have involved with the individuality each other; there is no necessity to lose to keep relations.
Do not save anger
We often constrain anger, irritation, fury, being afraid that they will destroy our relations. But it is better to arrange good quarrel, than to raise in itself rancour and a sense of guilt. Strong emotions do not mean that two do not love each other any more, – they only inform on the problem which has arisen in relations. Each of us feels that he feels, and has on this just cause. The anger is good that directly calls things by their proper names. It it is similar to a thunder-storm after which air becomes purer.
Liberating the anger, understand, what exactly has caused it. Also try to tell about it, without passing to the person of the partner. If you steels the anger reason, have patience and listen to charges how listen to constructive criticism: with something agree, and with something – is not present. On the angered, reproaching person, as a rule, the quiet attention to a conversation theme well operates: «I seriously concern your feelings and I wish you to listen. We will try to talk easy...» But if reproaches are fair, for you – indemnification of the spoilt mood.
Learn to thank each other
Many steams live in expectation something большего and do not appreciate that occurs every day. It would Seem, than that is easier – to thank in reply to the shown participation, the help or the received gift. However this simple skill, and readiness to thank, somewhere disappear, when the pair starts to live together. Or simply it is impossible to open a mouth and to tell: «Thanks!», or words turn to a certain formal muttering or verbose texts in which the more words, the it is less than ourselves.
Not every day etymology of a word "thanks" (from initial «rescue God!») as though hints that it is a question not of a simple rule of politeness, but about something much more important, basic. This feeling name feeling of gratitude to a life. Without it the warmest words sound insincerely and formally. If the partner has guessed our secret desire, has made something pleasant, it is necessary simply to be able to tell: «It so is good!» – and relations will be stronger. Thank each other for concrete things – a gift, walk, careful gesture, instead of in general: «What you the darling!»
Be afraid of typical errors which bring to nothing the most sincere gratitude. So happens, when to simple «Thanks for flowers» are added type phrases: «I hope, you always so will do now» or «That you have not guessed earlier!» Rather mature and deepest relations is a love between people who from each other do not depend it is material, emotionally. They could live happily and separately, but these two so are interesting each other! The life has presented it chance – a meeting with the person from which, by and large, anything and it is not necessary but together with which the life becomes fuller. Let he simply lives nearby, remains such what is... And let to it will be as well, as well as me!
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